Browsing Tag


You Just Need to Get Pregnant

One Saturday my son told me that “You just need to get pregnant.” This is not the first time he has said some variation of those words to me nor will it be the last I’m sure. Since he has been about four and a half, maybe five he has been on my back to get married and have more babies. He has been very consistent, like auntie Betty at the family reunion all in your mix asking  “When you gonna give that baby a brother or sister” persistent.

Over the last few months, he has decided that the barbershop will be the place of choice to recruit my breeding partner and better half. On our first visit to the shop my son took a quick observation of the shop and whispered to me “Mom you can find a husband here.” I was so embarrassed. I looked around to make sure that no one heard him. The second time he made some comments that escape my memory however, it was still something along the lines of  “Aye girl if you gonna find a man the time is now.” To lessen the pressure and guilt I was feeling from being borderline pimped out by my own son, so I sent my mom on haircut duty. That only lasted a few weeks because she started taking classes on Saturday.

Recently, the heat has been on and again but this time he is getting more specific. So, now I guess he’s thought about it and I can’t just marry anybody in the barbershop. He tells me as I sit three feet away from his barber that  I should date him. Now, his barber is attractive I’ll give him that. But what he doesn’t realize there will be no mixing of business and pleasure in this household. So, as we leave out of the shop I tell him that I think his barber is married and he needs to drop this bright idea of his. He tells me “No he’s not.” I say, “How do you know”? He laughs. I tell him that he doesn’t know anything, and he tells me he was going to ask him next time.

The next appointment rolls around and I notice my son is being a little more chatty than usual and trying to insert his young self into adult conversation with the fellas. He smiles at me which isn’t abnormal but I mouth “Be quiet” to ward off any slick matchmaker tendencies that might have been stirred up.  When we got home later that day I told my family about his latest escapade. My sister asked him what was he and the barber was talking about while he was in the chair. He said, “I asked *James if he was gonna put a ring on it.” See, I can’t with him (shaking my head while I type).

Two weeks ago, we were walking to the car from the barbershop and my son says, “Mom it’s kind of weird that my dad cuts my hair.” We both laughed and then I told him to shut up and get in the car. Most people go to the barbershop for just a haircut but my kid is more concerned about getting me hooked up with somebody, anybody that will give him the little sister and brother he has been harassing me about. Little does he know I’m fine with just him, plus I don’t want to go looking for a new barbershop. We are from Chicago but we are not related to Bishop Magic Don Juan, so I need this little mister to slow up with his pimp game and let Jesus take the wheel.

* Name was changed 

Update: Since the initial publishing of this post the barber has gotten married to someone else and it was not me.

Carry on and Live Shamelessly!

dating/love, motherhood, Story time

That “F” Has to Come Up: The Value of Education Starts at Home


In an ideal world teachers are waiting door ready to greet students with smiling faces and excitement that is palpable before they enter the school yard. Students would arrive with completed homework, positive attitudes, and respect for the institution of education and its gatekeepers. But in many schools around this country that is not the case. 

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with a parent. This parent has been concerned because her child has an “F” in my English class. It is the only “F” on the child’s report card, so she is flabbergasted and concerned. Now I have been tutoring her child and a few other students for the last three weeks. She checks in weekly to discuss her child’s progress. Now initially she came into the classroom, like most parents do, ready to give me the business but I showed her child’s low test scores and missing assignments, which deflated what I call the “hard walk.” (Hard walk is when a person walk fast and hard that hear their steps, moving with the intent to verbally hand you business.) She yelled at him and continued to tell me that he plays on a traveling football team and that playing on this team will give him an opportunity to receive a scholarship to a private high school. She says, “That F has to come up” because if coaches see that he’d be off the team.  Now every time I see, her she tells me “That F has to come up,” which I wholeheartedly I agree. As a teacher you never want to see your student’s fail especially if they are making a genuine effort. However, I don’t give arbitrary grades based on fondness of a student or insinuations from parents. The student must do their part to earn and maintain their grade.  However, every time I see her I feel like she is telling me “That the “F” has to come up” versus making sure she is telling her child.

 I go on to inform her that his grade will improve if he does well on his next essay and cumulative vocabulary test. She goes to inform that “President Obama is trying to crack down on ya’ll for giving all these test. Don’t they take a test in your class every day?”  My reply, “They have not taken a test in my class in over two weeks besides a school mandated interim.” I was so upset and this blog post was born.

Just like a parent is responsible for guiding the moral compass of their child since their first breath. The same is said for their value of education. If you do the following actions you are inadvertently showing your child that you do not value education regardless of what your words say.

1.       You openly question the teacher’s judgement in front of the student.

2.       You make excuses for your child not completing assignments.

3.       You are not involved in the school environment yet you complain about the culture.

4.       You believe in make-up work because your child chose not to complete the assignment the first time.

5.       You believe that the teacher “gives” grade and your child doesn’t “earn” them.

6.       You rationalize why your child should be given multiple chances to correct their behavior.

7.       You can’t tell your child they can be the next president, when their study and academic habits are less than presidential.

8.       You say school is important but don’t attend parent-teacher conferences.

9.       You bad mouth the teacher at home and then expect your child to skip into class being the model student.

10.   You are quick to call the school with a compliant and even quicker to swipe decline when the teacher is calling you regarding your child.

 Parents don’t realize the power they possess.  Parents set the tone of how students few education. If you parents don’t value the institution of education, how can we expect student’s to respect it?

Teachers are in many cases viewed as either the problem to the education system or the solution depending on who flips the coin. However, what people forget to realize is that even though teachers are the front line of the battle of education itare the parents who are the real generals, but don’t realize they hold the power. Some parents don’t realize that is their view and value of education is transmitted to their children, thus effecting behavior and academic habits.

There is difference between advocating for your child’s education and enabling them to continue to not take their education seriously. Which aisle of this row do you sit on?

I agree with that parent this “F” has to come up because as a society if we don’t stand together and hold each other accountable then we will continue to fail each other now and future generations.

Be a support system and not the reason they need the support.



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