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10 Things You Should Know About The Wait (Book Review)

 

The Wait is Finally Over….The Wait Book Review

After being on backorder for several weeks and then life getting in the way, I am now actually able to review DeVon Franklin and Megan Good’s book, The WaitThe Wait is the first-hand account of how Hollywood producer DeVon Franklin and actress Megan Good met and dated while practicing celibacy until they married. I know somewhere someone might be clutching their perils because you thought Steve Harvey’s 90-day rule was hardcore. Well, the Franklins’ take their readers beyond that rule by teaching them how waiting until marriage to have sex can benefit your entire life not just your sex life. DeVon and Megan are both Christians and their faith had everything to do with them approaching dating in this manner.

Here are 10 Things You Should Know About The Wait:

  1. The book is not written in a preachy, religious tone. It is written based on having a spiritual connection with God and dating according to the principles of the Bible. Which include biblical scriptures and prayers to help readers along their relationship journey. However, it does not judge or condemn readers to hell if they fall short of perfection. No fire and brimstone here, just teaching you how to suppress the fire down under until you get God’s all clear.
  2. The Wait is a lifestyle. The self-control and steps needed to control sexual urges to focus on getting to really know the person you are dating can be applied to all aspects of your life. Once you begin to shift your focus to your finances, career, health, family, friends, etc. you begin to open yourself up to finding out more about yourself and improving those areas of your life.
  3. Self-love is essential before you can become a part of a “we” they emphasize the need to take care of the “you” first. DeVon and Megan share how their individual decisions to wait helped them get some issues in their personal lives straight before they met and while they dated.
  4. We all fall down. Both DeVon and Megan are clear that they are not perfect and neither are their readers. They suggest that their readers be gentle and understanding with themselves as they take on a new way of living. If you fall or stumble off course, get back up and start over again. Do you remember Donnie McClurkin’s song We Fall Down? Well, it applies to this situation as well.
  5. This is an easy read with practical advice. This book doesn’t require that you be a Bible scholar to read it, so no need to pull out your concordance. Also, the information that they speak of is sensible and practical. For example, if you’re trying not to have sex then maybe you shouldn’t Netflix and Chill. Instead, maybe you should get with a group and chill instead.
  6. Be open to go beyond your list. We all at some point have a list of attributes and characteristics that we would like our mate to have. Well, what if who you are destined to be with is packaged a little differently than you initially preferred, or wasn’t what you typically dated? DeVon and Megan admit that both had attributes on their lists that at another stage in their lives they might not have initially dated each other. He didn’t want to date an actress and she didn’t want to date a preacher (DeVon is a preacher in addition to being a producer.). However, beyond their occupations, they had so much more in common, that they would have missed otherwise.
  7. Marriage is more than sex. There is much more to marriage outside of what’s done in the bedroom. There is a need to have intellectual, spiritual, and emotional chemistry too. However, physical chemistry many times interferes with being able to see if the spiritual, intellectual, and emotional chemistry are present. It is about completing the purpose God has designed for you two as a couple to complete.
  8. Get off the hamster wheel of the same old same. If you historically been a lover of the tall, dark, and handsome bad boy then maybe it is time to switch it up a little bit and give the cute, short, light-skinned dentist a chance. (I mean look at Ciara, theory tested and proven.) Leading with the celibacy card might stop some of those bad boys you use to love in their tracks thus giving you a chance to try someone new.
  9. You haven’t missed your chance at love. Society continually reiterates to us that there if you haven’t married by a certain age then your chances are dwindling with every day that you remain single. Thus creating a sense of desperation and feeling that you have to settle. That is totally untrue. As matter of a fact, DeVon says that God has predestined more than one person that we could be compatible with not just the one prince or “soul mate” as dictated by fairytales. Due to choices, (permissive will), we make the person God may have initially for us my change because they or we didn’t mature enough time for our paths to meet or made choices that altered the destiny of the two of you meet.
  10. Date responsibly. Just like you may work several jobs or try several careers before finding the one that you were meant to do. The same with dating. Just because you are waiting to have sex doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t date. Be honest from the beginning about waiting and don’t put yourself in situations where waiting can turn into waited.

Overall, this book was a good read. They didn’t reinvent any dating principles you haven’t heard before on some level, but they give the spiritual reasoning and connectivity behind dating. They also didn’t reveal too many deep details about their marriage. It kind of reminded me of a Beyoncé interview because everything they mention is exactly what they said in the press during the book tour. So, if you thinking this going to be riddled with juicy details and tidbits you will be dry with disappointment. I say if you are trying to have a new approach to dating and are interested in finding more information about waiting then read this book. If you are already celibate then you should read it to learn how to start dating again and how to maintain your faith as you wait on God’s timing.

Remember follow God’s plan for your life and Live Shamelessly!

dating/love, Faith, life lessons

You Just Need to Get Pregnant

One Saturday my son told me that “You just need to get pregnant.” This is not the first time he has said some variation of those words to me nor will it be the last I’m sure. Since he has been about four and a half, maybe five he has been on my back to get married and have more babies. He has been very consistent, like auntie Betty at the family reunion all in your mix asking  “When you gonna give that baby a brother or sister” persistent.

Over the last few months, he has decided that the barbershop will be the place of choice to recruit my breeding partner and better half. On our first visit to the shop my son took a quick observation of the shop and whispered to me “Mom you can find a husband here.” I was so embarrassed. I looked around to make sure that no one heard him. The second time he made some comments that escape my memory however, it was still something along the lines of  “Aye girl if you gonna find a man the time is now.” To lessen the pressure and guilt I was feeling from being borderline pimped out by my own son, so I sent my mom on haircut duty. That only lasted a few weeks because she started taking classes on Saturday.

Recently, the heat has been on and again but this time he is getting more specific. So, now I guess he’s thought about it and I can’t just marry anybody in the barbershop. He tells me as I sit three feet away from his barber that  I should date him. Now, his barber is attractive I’ll give him that. But what he doesn’t realize there will be no mixing of business and pleasure in this household. So, as we leave out of the shop I tell him that I think his barber is married and he needs to drop this bright idea of his. He tells me “No he’s not.” I say, “How do you know”? He laughs. I tell him that he doesn’t know anything, and he tells me he was going to ask him next time.

The next appointment rolls around and I notice my son is being a little more chatty than usual and trying to insert his young self into adult conversation with the fellas. He smiles at me which isn’t abnormal but I mouth “Be quiet” to ward off any slick matchmaker tendencies that might have been stirred up.  When we got home later that day I told my family about his latest escapade. My sister asked him what was he and the barber was talking about while he was in the chair. He said, “I asked *James if he was gonna put a ring on it.” See, I can’t with him (shaking my head while I type).

Two weeks ago, we were walking to the car from the barbershop and my son says, “Mom it’s kind of weird that my dad cuts my hair.” We both laughed and then I told him to shut up and get in the car. Most people go to the barbershop for just a haircut but my kid is more concerned about getting me hooked up with somebody, anybody that will give him the little sister and brother he has been harassing me about. Little does he know I’m fine with just him, plus I don’t want to go looking for a new barbershop. We are from Chicago but we are not related to Bishop Magic Don Juan, so I need this little mister to slow up with his pimp game and let Jesus take the wheel.

* Name was changed 

Update: Since the initial publishing of this post the barber has gotten married to someone else and it was not me.

Carry on and Live Shamelessly!

dating/love, motherhood, Story time

Why Black History Starts at Home

 

My son and I were on a recent yogurt date and I asked him what he knew about Black history month. Read the conversation below.

Me: Son what do you know about Black history month?

Son: It’s the month that we got free.

Me: Huh?

Son: (He looks a little confused) Is it when Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves?

Me: Abraham Lincoln did not free the slaves and don’t let me hear you say that again. Are you guys doing a Black history project or having a Black history assembly?

Son: No. I don’t think so.

We continue the conversation where I have to school him on Abe’s role in the Civil War and what the Emancipation Proclamation really didn’t do. I was disappointed but not completely surprised that after being a student in the public school system, for the past four years, in two major cities, this is all he recalls.  Which is almost laughable because American society has reduced Black history as importance of celebrating our contributions and now the few things they are teaching, they are giving out the wrong information.

This leads me to two points and one clever but serious suggestion.

We must teach our own kids

As a Black parent it is important that I make sure my son knows that our ancestral history in America may have begun in the bowels of slavery however, it stretches wider and goes deeper than most would like to acknowledge. It is no denying that we were an enslaved people however, next to slave put a comma and not a period. My son will learn that Black people were and still are queens, kings, inventors, scientists, writers, poets, musicians, scholars, actors, entrepreneurs, and the list goes on. Now we can include the distinguished honor of President.  We were not a people looking to be led because we were already leaders. Clearly, if we don’t teach our children, who will? We can’t continually expect the education system to accurately depict the truth, can we? If we do, Honest Abe is going to be doing a lot more than freeing slaves and killing vampires.

Stop with the family secrets

It is just essential that our children know their familial history too. Unlike, those that immigrate to this country it is hard for most of us to definitively trace our linage back several generations, for several reasons. However, we need to make sure we share the information we do know. I grew up in a southern household in the heart of the big city, where there were many secrets, things left unaddressed, and information that has been taken to graves all in the name of family.  The old heads thought they were doing the best to keep the family together but not realizing the generational effects these secrets, lies, and half-truths would have on the family.

Black History 365, Never!

In my opinion, learning, mentioning, or celebrating Black should not be condensed to one month out of a year. But I was thinking since it is too radical to actually celebrate it for…I don’t know 365 days a year, I have alternate solution. I think that only in the month of February, we should be allowed to use things like the stop light, eat peanut butter or peanut butter products, use refrigerators, or use any shape form or fashion of the beloved cell phone. That’s not to mention only listening to anything Beyonce or with drum beat or baseline for the next 21 days. If you don’t whip it, Nae- Nae, Twerk, or Dab by the 29th then you’ll have to wait until next year where there will only be 28 days to get all of this Black celebration in. I know too much, right? Please! Not enough.

Black is beautiful, 365!

Love black and Live Shamelessly!

life lessons, motherhood
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