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life lessons

10 Things You Should Know About The Wait (Book Review)

 

The Wait is Finally Over….The Wait Book Review

After being on backorder for several weeks and then life getting in the way, I am now actually able to review DeVon Franklin and Megan Good’s book, The WaitThe Wait is the first-hand account of how Hollywood producer DeVon Franklin and actress Megan Good met and dated while practicing celibacy until they married. I know somewhere someone might be clutching their perils because you thought Steve Harvey’s 90-day rule was hardcore. Well, the Franklins’ take their readers beyond that rule by teaching them how waiting until marriage to have sex can benefit your entire life not just your sex life. DeVon and Megan are both Christians and their faith had everything to do with them approaching dating in this manner.

Here are 10 Things You Should Know About The Wait:

  1. The book is not written in a preachy, religious tone. It is written based on having a spiritual connection with God and dating according to the principles of the Bible. Which include biblical scriptures and prayers to help readers along their relationship journey. However, it does not judge or condemn readers to hell if they fall short of perfection. No fire and brimstone here, just teaching you how to suppress the fire down under until you get God’s all clear.
  2. The Wait is a lifestyle. The self-control and steps needed to control sexual urges to focus on getting to really know the person you are dating can be applied to all aspects of your life. Once you begin to shift your focus to your finances, career, health, family, friends, etc. you begin to open yourself up to finding out more about yourself and improving those areas of your life.
  3. Self-love is essential before you can become a part of a “we” they emphasize the need to take care of the “you” first. DeVon and Megan share how their individual decisions to wait helped them get some issues in their personal lives straight before they met and while they dated.
  4. We all fall down. Both DeVon and Megan are clear that they are not perfect and neither are their readers. They suggest that their readers be gentle and understanding with themselves as they take on a new way of living. If you fall or stumble off course, get back up and start over again. Do you remember Donnie McClurkin’s song We Fall Down? Well, it applies to this situation as well.
  5. This is an easy read with practical advice. This book doesn’t require that you be a Bible scholar to read it, so no need to pull out your concordance. Also, the information that they speak of is sensible and practical. For example, if you’re trying not to have sex then maybe you shouldn’t Netflix and Chill. Instead, maybe you should get with a group and chill instead.
  6. Be open to go beyond your list. We all at some point have a list of attributes and characteristics that we would like our mate to have. Well, what if who you are destined to be with is packaged a little differently than you initially preferred, or wasn’t what you typically dated? DeVon and Megan admit that both had attributes on their lists that at another stage in their lives they might not have initially dated each other. He didn’t want to date an actress and she didn’t want to date a preacher (DeVon is a preacher in addition to being a producer.). However, beyond their occupations, they had so much more in common, that they would have missed otherwise.
  7. Marriage is more than sex. There is much more to marriage outside of what’s done in the bedroom. There is a need to have intellectual, spiritual, and emotional chemistry too. However, physical chemistry many times interferes with being able to see if the spiritual, intellectual, and emotional chemistry are present. It is about completing the purpose God has designed for you two as a couple to complete.
  8. Get off the hamster wheel of the same old same. If you historically been a lover of the tall, dark, and handsome bad boy then maybe it is time to switch it up a little bit and give the cute, short, light-skinned dentist a chance. (I mean look at Ciara, theory tested and proven.) Leading with the celibacy card might stop some of those bad boys you use to love in their tracks thus giving you a chance to try someone new.
  9. You haven’t missed your chance at love. Society continually reiterates to us that there if you haven’t married by a certain age then your chances are dwindling with every day that you remain single. Thus creating a sense of desperation and feeling that you have to settle. That is totally untrue. As matter of a fact, DeVon says that God has predestined more than one person that we could be compatible with not just the one prince or “soul mate” as dictated by fairytales. Due to choices, (permissive will), we make the person God may have initially for us my change because they or we didn’t mature enough time for our paths to meet or made choices that altered the destiny of the two of you meet.
  10. Date responsibly. Just like you may work several jobs or try several careers before finding the one that you were meant to do. The same with dating. Just because you are waiting to have sex doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t date. Be honest from the beginning about waiting and don’t put yourself in situations where waiting can turn into waited.

Overall, this book was a good read. They didn’t reinvent any dating principles you haven’t heard before on some level, but they give the spiritual reasoning and connectivity behind dating. They also didn’t reveal too many deep details about their marriage. It kind of reminded me of a Beyoncé interview because everything they mention is exactly what they said in the press during the book tour. So, if you thinking this going to be riddled with juicy details and tidbits you will be dry with disappointment. I say if you are trying to have a new approach to dating and are interested in finding more information about waiting then read this book. If you are already celibate then you should read it to learn how to start dating again and how to maintain your faith as you wait on God’s timing.

Remember follow God’s plan for your life and Live Shamelessly!

dating/love, Faith, life lessons

Why Black History Starts at Home

 

My son and I were on a recent yogurt date and I asked him what he knew about Black history month. Read the conversation below.

Me: Son what do you know about Black history month?

Son: It’s the month that we got free.

Me: Huh?

Son: (He looks a little confused) Is it when Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves?

Me: Abraham Lincoln did not free the slaves and don’t let me hear you say that again. Are you guys doing a Black history project or having a Black history assembly?

Son: No. I don’t think so.

We continue the conversation where I have to school him on Abe’s role in the Civil War and what the Emancipation Proclamation really didn’t do. I was disappointed but not completely surprised that after being a student in the public school system, for the past four years, in two major cities, this is all he recalls.  Which is almost laughable because American society has reduced Black history as importance of celebrating our contributions and now the few things they are teaching, they are giving out the wrong information.

This leads me to two points and one clever but serious suggestion.

We must teach our own kids

As a Black parent it is important that I make sure my son knows that our ancestral history in America may have begun in the bowels of slavery however, it stretches wider and goes deeper than most would like to acknowledge. It is no denying that we were an enslaved people however, next to slave put a comma and not a period. My son will learn that Black people were and still are queens, kings, inventors, scientists, writers, poets, musicians, scholars, actors, entrepreneurs, and the list goes on. Now we can include the distinguished honor of President.  We were not a people looking to be led because we were already leaders. Clearly, if we don’t teach our children, who will? We can’t continually expect the education system to accurately depict the truth, can we? If we do, Honest Abe is going to be doing a lot more than freeing slaves and killing vampires.

Stop with the family secrets

It is just essential that our children know their familial history too. Unlike, those that immigrate to this country it is hard for most of us to definitively trace our linage back several generations, for several reasons. However, we need to make sure we share the information we do know. I grew up in a southern household in the heart of the big city, where there were many secrets, things left unaddressed, and information that has been taken to graves all in the name of family.  The old heads thought they were doing the best to keep the family together but not realizing the generational effects these secrets, lies, and half-truths would have on the family.

Black History 365, Never!

In my opinion, learning, mentioning, or celebrating Black should not be condensed to one month out of a year. But I was thinking since it is too radical to actually celebrate it for…I don’t know 365 days a year, I have alternate solution. I think that only in the month of February, we should be allowed to use things like the stop light, eat peanut butter or peanut butter products, use refrigerators, or use any shape form or fashion of the beloved cell phone. That’s not to mention only listening to anything Beyonce or with drum beat or baseline for the next 21 days. If you don’t whip it, Nae- Nae, Twerk, or Dab by the 29th then you’ll have to wait until next year where there will only be 28 days to get all of this Black celebration in. I know too much, right? Please! Not enough.

Black is beautiful, 365!

Love black and Live Shamelessly!

life lessons, motherhood

That “F” Has to Come Up: The Value of Education Starts at Home

 

In an ideal world teachers are waiting door ready to greet students with smiling faces and excitement that is palpable before they enter the school yard. Students would arrive with completed homework, positive attitudes, and respect for the institution of education and its gatekeepers. But in many schools around this country that is not the case. 

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with a parent. This parent has been concerned because her child has an “F” in my English class. It is the only “F” on the child’s report card, so she is flabbergasted and concerned. Now I have been tutoring her child and a few other students for the last three weeks. She checks in weekly to discuss her child’s progress. Now initially she came into the classroom, like most parents do, ready to give me the business but I showed her child’s low test scores and missing assignments, which deflated what I call the “hard walk.” (Hard walk is when a person walk fast and hard that hear their steps, moving with the intent to verbally hand you business.) She yelled at him and continued to tell me that he plays on a traveling football team and that playing on this team will give him an opportunity to receive a scholarship to a private high school. She says, “That F has to come up” because if coaches see that he’d be off the team.  Now every time I see, her she tells me “That F has to come up,” which I wholeheartedly I agree. As a teacher you never want to see your student’s fail especially if they are making a genuine effort. However, I don’t give arbitrary grades based on fondness of a student or insinuations from parents. The student must do their part to earn and maintain their grade.  However, every time I see her I feel like she is telling me “That the “F” has to come up” versus making sure she is telling her child.

 I go on to inform her that his grade will improve if he does well on his next essay and cumulative vocabulary test. She goes to inform that “President Obama is trying to crack down on ya’ll for giving all these test. Don’t they take a test in your class every day?”  My reply, “They have not taken a test in my class in over two weeks besides a school mandated interim.” I was so upset and this blog post was born.

Just like a parent is responsible for guiding the moral compass of their child since their first breath. The same is said for their value of education. If you do the following actions you are inadvertently showing your child that you do not value education regardless of what your words say.

1.       You openly question the teacher’s judgement in front of the student.

2.       You make excuses for your child not completing assignments.

3.       You are not involved in the school environment yet you complain about the culture.

4.       You believe in make-up work because your child chose not to complete the assignment the first time.

5.       You believe that the teacher “gives” grade and your child doesn’t “earn” them.

6.       You rationalize why your child should be given multiple chances to correct their behavior.

7.       You can’t tell your child they can be the next president, when their study and academic habits are less than presidential.

8.       You say school is important but don’t attend parent-teacher conferences.

9.       You bad mouth the teacher at home and then expect your child to skip into class being the model student.

10.   You are quick to call the school with a compliant and even quicker to swipe decline when the teacher is calling you regarding your child.

 Parents don’t realize the power they possess.  Parents set the tone of how students few education. If you parents don’t value the institution of education, how can we expect student’s to respect it?

Teachers are in many cases viewed as either the problem to the education system or the solution depending on who flips the coin. However, what people forget to realize is that even though teachers are the front line of the battle of education itare the parents who are the real generals, but don’t realize they hold the power. Some parents don’t realize that is their view and value of education is transmitted to their children, thus effecting behavior and academic habits.

There is difference between advocating for your child’s education and enabling them to continue to not take their education seriously. Which aisle of this row do you sit on?

I agree with that parent this “F” has to come up because as a society if we don’t stand together and hold each other accountable then we will continue to fail each other now and future generations.

Be a support system and not the reason they need the support.

 

 

life lessons
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