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life lessons

Haircut and Hookup

Storytime

Since we’ve been in California it has been an up and down saga trying to find a consistent barbershop. Finally, a friend made a recommendation that worked out really well. The barbershop is in a decent part of town, doesn’t smell like a mix of mild sauce and weed, nobody is peddling in fenced goods from the freights, extra ratchet music with more curse words than actual lyrics isn’t blaring through the speakers and the barber punctually keeps his appointments and doesn’t eat a four-piece wing while cutting hair. (Disclaimer, if you are not from Chicago and don’t understand what I just described, that’s cool but don’t judge my city because they conduct business a tad bit different than yours.) Another bonus to the barbershop is that my son gets exposure to black men. We live in an area of the city that is heavily Latino and outside of church, my son does not get exposure to a lot of black men. This unlike, when we lived in Chicago we lived in a predominately black community. So, it’s safe to say that this place is our newly adopted barbershop. 

On our first visit to the shop my son took a quick observation of the shop and whispered to me “Mom you can find a husband here.” I was so embarrassed and looked around to make sure that no one heard him. The second time he made some comments that escape my memory however, it was still something along the lines of aye girl if you gonna find a man the time is now. In an effort to lessen the pressure and guilt I was feeling from being borderline pimped out by my own son, so I sent my mom on haircut duty. That only lasted a few weeks because she went back to school and had classes on Saturday.

Recently, the heat has been on and again but this time he is getting more specific. He tells me as I sit three feet away from his barber that  I should date him. Now, his barber is attractive. I give them that much. But what he realizes there will be no mixing of business and pleasure in this household. So, as we leave the shop I tell him that I think his barber is married and he needs to drop this bright idea of his. He tells me “No he’s not.” I say, “How do you know”? He laughs, and I tell him that he doesn’t know that but he was going to ask him next time. The next appointment rolls around and I notice my son is being a little more chatty than usual and trying to insert his young self into adult conversation. He smiles at me which isn’t abnormal but I just mouthed “Be quiet” to ward off slick matchmaker tendencies that might have been stirred up.  When we got home later that day I was telling my mom and sisters about it and I asked him what he and the barber we’re talking about while he was in the chair. He said, “I ask *James if he was gonna put a ring on it.” See, I can’t with him.

Two weeks after that we were walking to the car from the barbershop and my son says, “Mom, it’s kind of weird to have my dad cut my hair”, I looked taken aback and he laughed. I laughed and then I told him to shut up and get in the car. Most people go to the barbershop for just a haircut but my kid is more concerned about getting me hooked up with somebody, anybody that will give him the little sister he has been harassing me about. Little does he know I’m fine with just him, plus I don’t want to go looking for a new barbershop.

 I mean we are from Chicago but we are not related to Bishop Magic Don Juan, so I need this little mister to slow up with his pimp gain and let Jesus take the wheel.

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dating/love, life lessons, motherhood

Getting Back to Blogging After a 5-year Hiatus


It has been exactly five years to the day that I wrote my first blog post. However, this time I decided to change things up a bit. Before I get started on what readers can expect from me going forward, I’m sure you are wondering where have you been? Why did you stop writing?

Where have you been?

When I first started my journey as a professional writer I was living the Hollywood struggle life. I was trying to get my brand started as a mom blogger and screenwriter. After four years of more so struggling and not progressing any facet of writing I decided to call it and make a move. That move has landed me in Sin City. Two years ago I decided that it was time to act like a real adult and get a salaried job with health care and a better overall quality of life. I chose to go back into the classroom as a full-time teacher and a less expensive overall cost of living.

Why did I stop writing?

Initially, I stopped blogging because I felt like it was taking off “quick enough”. I was struggling financially I was banking on blogging to be my money maker while I worked to navigate my screenwriting career. So, I got distracted that other people around me where growing faster than me but I felt like I needed to grow faster for survival. So I just said the hell with the blogging and stopped blogging. Then within the next year I think I had stopped screenwriting because I was so busy trying to figure out how to just make ends meet. I wavered back and forth trying to figure out how to get my teaching license cleared so that I can teach, make the money I needed, and then write in between. Ultimately, is was too costly for me at the moment to go back to school to get my license cleared. So Vegas became the solution.

What’s next…?

This blog will be a one stop shop of the lessons I have learned about myself and life during my hiatus. Also, this will be my living document of all my new adventures as I venture into new business avenues, opening my heart to dating, sharing my continuous evolution as mother of a soon to be teenager, and learning how to step through doors that open and make peace when doors close behind me. Stay tuned and join me for the ride!

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Related Article: 6 Reasons Why I Struggle at Entrepreneurship

blogging, life lessons

6 Reasons Why I Struggle at Entrepreneurship

My journey to becoming an entrepreneur has been a struggle. I  recently was listening to a person speak on Periscope and they were talking about their journey in entrepreneurship. It got me to thinking about why am I still REALLY STRUGGLING? Why am I still in the same place I was a year ago? These thoughts led me to these five reasons.

The number one thing I struggle with is CONSISTENCY. Just like many of you reading this I started my year with a list of goals, hyped and ready to crush them. I don’t think I made it to March before I was in my feelings and questioning myself and losing motivation. Thus making post sporadic and social media promotion nonexistent. Then, as I got my emotions in check I began to work again and the cycle would repeat itself.

Speaking of EMOTIONS I let them drive my ability to get things done. Many days I would DOUBT my ability to get things accomplished because I was busy concerned about what I didn’t have which pushed me down the rabbit hole of depression. Instead of making a daily effort to stick with the plan and utilize what I did have to achieve the goals that I made months prior I just let it all fall apart.

My emotional unraveling usually was sparked by COMPARING myself to the women that I admire or reading all the accomplishments people would post on social media. Thus leading me to not believe that I was ill-equipped and that there wasn’t a place for my voice and gifts to be utilized in the world. These distractions have kept me from creating my own content because I was focusing on what I didn’t have and comparing myself to others. In hindsight, it was really like comparing apples to oranges.

Another part that has been hard to deal with is the lack of IMMEDIATE FINANCIAL REWARD. It’s hard when you need the money to come through and you are listening to all of these other people talk about their financial wins. I have gotten discouraged because I’ve heard of varied levels of success people have received, some within months of starting their business and for others, it has taken years. Naturally, I want and honestly, on some level, I need my financial wins now. I know it could happen because it has happened for others but that doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen. Learning how to keep going and water the seed because it might take a little more TLC in order for it grows is easier said than done.

Which has led me to question what I should be doing because I have SEVERAL BUSINESS IDEAS.  I have all these business ideas and when the blog hasn’t produced fruit I turn my attention to another idea but that becomes short-lived because I need seed money in order to get the next idea off the ground. Thus, causing me to return to my original plan and the cycle repeats again.

The last but also important contributing factor adding to my struggle is not surrounding myself with LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE. Many of the business people I listen to and interact with are from a distance through FB groups, online classes, and Periscope. None of these people are friends or personal mentors. So, in my everyday life, I don’t have anyone in my immediate friend or familial circle who is really pursuing the path of entrepreneurship. While they are supportive but none of them know the daily mental and emotional struggle I deal with on this journey.

I’m sure in the last 10 months I have repeated this cycle at least three times. Now that I know WHY I’M STRUGGLING. I’ve come up with a SOLUTION which is simple. For the next three months, I am going to stick with it come hell or high water. I’ve already come up with a plan so I just need to execute it. Next, which I have already started is to limit my time on social media. I’ll use it only to conduct business on my own behalf and not to look at others. Third, I’m really interested in starting or joining a local mastermind group. I need accountability and need access to business savvy minds. 

I’m not ashamed of my struggles and neither should you but we both must proactively seek discipline in order to produce the results we desire.

Related Article: I Need to Get My Faith Up

Live Shamelessly and Strive for Success!

 

business, Faith, life lessons

I Need to Get My Faith Up

This past weekend I had the opportunity to volunteer for The Merge Summit. The Merge Summit is a bi-yearly conference where over 60 entertainers, pastors, and executives come together to share their wisdom on how to maintain their Faith and work in the entertainment industry.

As a volunteer, I didn’t get a chance to attend many of the workshops because I was busy serving. However, the biggest take away from the things I did hear, was the running them of Faith. But not any old Faith, but a consistent Faith that needs to be coupled with action. The Bible says that “Faith without works is dead.” When pursuing your dreams, passions, and destiny you must consistently believe that you will win the race, but it just might not happen when or how you desire it. I’ve heard many times before and I have to tell myself repeatedly because I want something to happen now.

I realized that I am a faith flip-flopper. Some days I’m believing like nobody’s business and then something happens and I can’t find any of it, not even a mustard seed. Part of the reason that I flip flop is that I look around to friends and strangers who have the blessings I’ve been praying for. I then began to think that God isn’t going to do it for me because he is already doing it for someone else. Or, He loves them more than me, or my life will be filled with struggle because he doesn’t love me as much.

Have you ever had those thoughts?

I know God loves me and part of the reason that my prayers haven’t been answered is that my faith isn’t consistent. I literally was on a faith high the morning of the last day of the summit to only be in a sea of unbelief by the end of the day. If this continues I’ll never reach my desires because I’ll continually be starting and stopping.

I need to toughen up mentally. I need to pray and read my Bible daily. I need to speak my desires into existence and work consistently.  I need to get my faith up so I can live the BEST life God has for me, so I can become a living witness not only for others but especially for my son.

Related Article: 10 Things You Should Know About The Wait

Faith up and Live Shamelessly!

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