My parent’s divorced when I was ten and I was happy about it. My mother never re-married or dated she just focused on raising her three girls. Honestly, I wasn’t too happy about it but now as an adult and mother I understand why. Fast forward several years I found myself having the one thing in common with my mother that I never wanted….I too would become a single mother. In my case never wed and still single.
. As I approach another Father’s Day as a fatherless daughter and as a single mother, I must say that I am not bitter at either man who left a neon flashing vacancy sign above the hearts of my son or I. Why?
Everyone is not equipped to help you along the journey of life. There are those that are ill prepared because they can’t help themselves how can they help you? My former Pastor John F. Hannah once said “Everybody can’t go where I’m going.” Unfortunately, sometimes that includes people who are very close to you. I’m glad that my dad wasn’t there because when he was in my life it was filled with drama and pain. So his absence made life easier. Not to say that there weren’t moments in life where I could have used his love, protection, and wisdom, but his entry into my life was seasonal not long term. I don’t hate him for it nor am I bitter about it.
Yes, I was a statistic, and yes I repeated the cycle but just like everything else in my life I can’t explain, this is one of those things. I have God as my Father first and foremost. I have had father figures in my life with my two uncles growing up and a few male teachers. But as I sit and write these words I understand that everything happens for a reason and I never really felt his absence in my life because I was always surrounded by love. I know a father-daughter love is a unique love because I get to participate daily on the other side of the coin with mother-son love. But his absence allowed me to live in a home where I wasn’t scared and felt like walking on egg shells. I didn’t have to carry more scars than those he already left me with.
I thank my dad because he knew somewhere deep down that I needed more than what he was equipped to give me. It is because of that I still love him and hold no ill will towards him to this day. Forgiving him a long time ago helped me forgive the other men in my life who have not been able to continue on this journey. More importantly it has taught how to recognize when I am being loved, protected, and taken care of. It gives me the freedom and with a happy heart to receive what he could not give without one once of bitterness. It taught me how not to degrade my son’s fatherto him but remain silent allowing for him to make his own judgements when the time comes. It gives me a chance to be open to love of all kinds. The right kinds. The kind just for me.
So, Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers, step-fathers, grandfathers, and all the other men who operate in the capacity of a father figure. Your love is appreciated.
Love and Live Shamelessly!