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Womanhood/adulting

Fall into Forgiveness

Fall into Forgiveness

Why forgiveness starts with you

It is almost officially fall, I know I’m a little early. But I know it chilly somewhere around the country. Any who, I just wanted to take a few minutes to encourage you that if you’re going to fall for or into any thing as the year wraps up, let it be forgiveness. Forgive yourself for every time you misspoke or when you didn’t speak enough or when you had to give your kids the “no’ they weren’t expecting. Sis, you have to stop being so critical of yourself. You are one person doing the job of ten at any given time of the day, sometimes even in your sleep (that’s for my overthinkers). Women and mothers play important roles in society, therefore we cannot afford to continuously beat and batter ourselves when we do not get it right. Forgiveness is good for the soul. Forgiveness leads to freedom. Forgiveness reminds you are an imperfect person, so needing to receive it and give should not be a surprise. Forgiveness leads to happiness. Forgiveness leads to peace of mind and spirit. Forgiveness is apart of the process of love.

You know what’s even crazier, God forgave you before you did or didn’t do whatever requires that you be forgiven in the first place. If the Creator, author and finisher, judge and jury can extend grace to you, then why can’t you act a little more gracious towards yourself? If you don’t who will? Just as a reminder, if you can’t forgive yourself why would the people who love you forgive you? Then we wonder why familial relationships are strained and broken…because of lack of forgiveness. The more you are able to forgive yourself the more you will be able to forgive others. That is not to dismiss that some things will require more time to forgive than others but as long as you reach the point of forgiveness is what matters. Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you have to keep in contact. It’s more about you internally letting go of being wronged, hurt, abused, and broken.  Let’s stop perpetuating the cycle and teach our children how to receive and give forgiveness by reflecting it in our daily lives.

I love you sis! God loves you! Don’t forget to LOVE and FORGIVE YOURSELF!

Don’t forget to share this with a sister-mom that needs a little reminder.

 

Inspiration/faith, Parenting, Womanhood/adulting

Why I’m Not Bitter About Father’s Absence in My Life

My parent’s divorced when I was ten and I was happy about it. My mother never re-married or dated she just focused on raising her three girls. Honestly, I wasn’t too happy about it but now as an adult and mother I understand why. Fast forward several years I found myself having the one thing in common with my mother that I never wanted….I too would become a single mother. In my case never wed and still single.

. As I approach another Father’s Day as a fatherless daughter and as a single mother, I must say that I am not bitter at either man who left a neon flashing vacancy sign above the hearts of my son or I. Why?

Everyone is not equipped to help you along the journey of life. There are those that are ill prepared because they can’t help themselves how can they help you? My former Pastor John F. Hannah once said “Everybody can’t go where I’m going.” Unfortunately, sometimes that includes people who are very close to you. I’m glad that my dad wasn’t there because when he was in my life it was filled with drama and pain. So his absence made life easier. Not to say that there weren’t moments in life where I could have used his love, protection, and wisdom, but his entry into my life was seasonal not long term. I don’t hate him for it nor am I bitter about it.

Yes, I was a statistic, and yes I repeated the cycle but just like everything else in my life I can’t explain, this is one of those things. I have God as my Father first and foremost. I have had father figures in my life with my two uncles growing up and a few male teachers. But as I sit and write these words I understand that everything happens for a reason and I never really felt his absence in my life because I was always surrounded by love. I know a father-daughter love is a unique love because I get to participate daily on the other side of the coin with mother-son love. But his absence allowed me to live in a home where I wasn’t scared and felt like walking on egg shells. I didn’t have to carry more scars than those he already left me with.

I thank my dad because he knew somewhere deep down that I needed more than what he was equipped to give me. It is because of that I still love him and hold no ill will towards him to this day. Forgiving him a long time ago helped me forgive the other men in my life who have not been able to continue on this journey. More importantly it has taught how to recognize when I am being loved, protected, and taken care of. It gives me the freedom and with a happy heart to receive what he could not give without one once of bitterness. It taught me how not to degrade my son’s fatherto him but remain silent allowing for him to make his own judgements when the time comes. It gives me a chance to be open to love of all kinds. The right kinds. The kind just for me.

So, Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers, step-fathers, grandfathers, and all the other men who operate in the capacity of a father figure. Your love is appreciated.

Love and Live Shamelessly!

Womanhood/adulting

Morning Wood

I awaken at 5 am in the morning to a text message  of a man’s genitalia, beautiful as it was it wasn’t quite the wake up call I was expecting. I was taken aback and all levels of confused. This confusion is because I met this man about a week prior to the photo. Our initial conversation went well he was very complimentary of my skin and beauty. He is new to the city, single, no kids, and a chef and and New Orleans accent that sealed the deal. I love southern men and primarily have dated them, not exclusively, but that’s what life has given me. So, anyway instead of my customary “No I’m trying to focus on myself” line I take his number and text him mine. He was cute and listed all the initial qualities I wanted to hear.  We send a few text back and forth. Red flag number one: He tells me that he would like to taste my melanin. Now, I don’t blame him but I just met him. Right after he sends a text message apologizing if he offended me. So, I give him the benefit of doubt accept the apology. Clearly, he was trying to feel me out and see what kind of party this was going to be. Red flag number 2: Next, day I give him a call. He returns my call and informs me that he didn’t remember who I was and wanted to know where we met and that he was bad with names. So, I was glad that he was busy and was going to need to call me back. I hung the phone up in utter disbelief. Now how did I go from being praised for melanin and being so beautiful to who are you again? Unmemorable.

Needless to say I erased his number from my phone. On Saturday I’m over a friend’s house catching up and hanging out when I get a call from this Lousiana number. I ignore it and don’t answer and know that it’s definitely that guy. A few more days pass and I get another. Later that night, I’m like I call him back and I’m like “Hey, what’s up?”. He tells me that I sound aggressive. I lightly laugh thinking, if you think this is my aggressive tone then you really don’t want to hear me when I’m actually aggressive. I had more of a matter of fact tone, because the fact of the matter is that I’m unmemorable one day and then next my line turns into Hotline Bling, so excuse me if I feel like signals are mixed. We then discuss the morning wake call that he sent. I was hoping that it was accidentally sent, nope. No dice. He goes on to tell me how he’s an upfront, heart on his sleve type person and sexuality is part of it. Hmmmm. Ok.The call lasted a while longer and he seemed like a real cool guy.

However, at the the end of the call I was really questioning if I was ready to date and is this how people date? I have been off the dating seen four years and counting. But that call and series of events let me know that it is not like riding a bike and I’m not ready. Needless to say that chef won’t be tossing this salad, but I really wanted him to teach me how to make gumbo.

Related Article: You Just Need to Get Pregnant

Womanhood/adulting